All of the places in these limericks are in the glorious county of Norfolk. Be warned that many Norfolk place-names have strange pronunciations, and the rhymes make the most of it! For instance, "Hautbois" in No.3 is actually pronounced "Hobbis". Get it?
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1 There was a young welder called Graham got a phone call from Potter Heigham, or it might be that I am wrong, and it’s Heigham; I really don’t know how to say ‘em. |
18 A pensioner from Hindolveston once answered the door with her vest on. Her caller, the Rector said, Dear Mrs Nector, for goodness sake, please put the rest on. |
| 2 The pronounciation of Cley, sir is the subject of argument todey, sir. The passions run hey and the tempers, they frey, and it seems that the ‘e’ is the key, sir. |
19 A heavyweight feyter from Skeyton had a face that could easily freyton; a terrible seyt in the black of the neyt, but not nearly so bad with the leyton. |
| 3 A burglar called Robert from Hautbois; robbing rich houses his jautbois. Through windows he wangles at impossible angles, yes a rubbery robber our Bautbois. |
20 Approaching it phonetically it obviously should be called Salle; but the people of Salle will repeat without fail, that they will decide, and that’s all. |
| 4 A Jack Russell terrier from Hunstanton ran non-stop from Hunstanton to Dunstanton. It was easy for him; he had springs in each limb that were made of the very best tungstanton. |
21 In making a Limerick on Burnham the names, how I struggled to turn ‘em; for none of ‘em rhyme and I’m wasting my time, so I think I’ll go up there and burn ‘em. |
| 5 The twice daily slow bus to Mundesley from Cromer departs on a Mondesley; and Tuedesley and Wednedesley, on Thurdesley and Fridesley, but never on Saturdesley or Sundesley. |
22 A clever young farmer from Hargham he kept lots of cows just to calf ‘em. A fortune he got when he auctioned the lot after walking them over to Swargham. |
| 6 There was a schoolteacher from Costessey who was chased from the class for being bostessey. She led a good race at a really fast pace but was finally caught by the postessey. |
23 Surveying her brood, Mrs Mouse, said, We have outgrown this small house. We could easily fill a luxurious villa in Catton or Hellesdon or Trouse. |
| 7 A crafty young housemaid from Belaugh was known as a wheelaugh and delaugh; she stole knives and forks glasses, bottles and corks, and lastly a potato-pelaugh. |
24 A Year seven pupil from Catton while carrying her Relay team’s baton tripped and fell on it, then made up a sonnet: ‘The funniest thing I have sat on’. |
| 8 A boy had a dog cart at Stiffkey that was pulled by a powerful Saliffkey. That hound was his pride until one day it died, now he noisily rides a Suziffkey. |
25 A gullible schoolgirl from Colney bought a Walkman she thought was a Solney, but when it went brolke she thought it no jolke, and exclaimed, I’ve been caught with a pholney! |
| 9 I once took a letter from Shingham and was quickly delivered to Hingham; and should I repeat this remakable feat I would finally get posted to Ingham. |
26 In Cringleford there is a hitch and their name they may now have to ditch. To lie is rewardless, their village is fordless, and really should be Cringlebridge. |
| 10 A terrible punster from Feltwell constantly said that he felt well, for he spent all his days in a hole lined with baize; yes he healthily lived in a Felt Well. |
27 You surely have heard of the fame of the Trinty Broads’ faulty name; There’s Filby and Rollesby, there’s Little and Ormesby and Lily; now who is to blame? |
| 11 If you travel from Scratby to Oby and you are in a hurry, then, oh be sure your route will be by Hemsby or Filby or Ormesby, but never by Scroby. |
28 At the pill-making factory of Hellesdon you never can find how the smellesdon; I’ve tried hard and long to unravel that pong, but I never have found what the hellesdon. |
| 12 The list of BY’s starts with Oby and continues with Scratby and Scroby and Rollesby and Ormesby and Billockby and Ashby and Clippesby and Hemsby and Herringby and Mautby and Stokesby and Thrigby and Filby, but none of them are rhyming with Oby or Scroby. |
29 While digging his garden in Garboldisham a man found some gems, so he polished ‘em. sadly he garbled some and then he marbled some and finally gave up and abolished ‘em. |
| 13 Now Diss with the fairest compares, sir; it has one of the finest of Meres, sir. A remarkable town and a place of renown which, as you approach, Diss appears, sir. |
30 The sea-wise people of Weybourne can tell what the state of the ebb ‘n flow of the tide is by checking how wide is the crafty old sea-spider’s webbing. |
| 14 A strapping young builder from Wymondham was proud of his massive pudymondham. Their gargantuan size easily won him first prize in a big nationwide referymondham. |
31 Some people from Holme took the train and collected some stones from Salisbury Plain, to get their revenge for the theft of Woodhenge, and to give them a Circle again. |
| 15 A old leg-break bowler for Wymondham, whoever he played against, ruwymondham. Clueless tail-enders succumbed to his benders because of the way that he spymondham. |
32 The Reverend at Tacolneston and the Incumbent of Fulmodeston, they argued for ages about their Web pages, and who could come up with the best ‘un. |
| 16 There once was a village called Eccles that cost Norfolk thousands of sheccles to prevent the coast failing, but all unavailing, as the sea advanced slowly on Beccles. |
33 T-U-N-S-T-E-A-D is pronounced by each man and each lady who lives there, and knows how the Norfolk tongue goes as ‘Market Street’; isn’t that crazy? |
| 17 A careful young fisherman of Holkham used to catch lots of herrings and smolkham . In his great big shed, to make sure they were dead, he would take a sharp stick and he’d polkham. |
34 A schoolmaster from Gresham used to catch naughty boys and thrash’em, till a burly sixth-former tied him up in a corner and threatened to nastily bash ‘im. |